One of the things I have been reflecting on having experienced COVID-19 is that no matter how prepared you think you are, nothing can truly prepare you for the journey of fighting this disease.
I remember on New Year's Eve 2019 watching the TV reports coming out of Wuhan and having a real sense of concern about this new virus. I am a respiratory nurse specialist and have small airways disease and bronchiectasis – a result of long-term asthma and developing MRSA while working in primary care. I have lived and managed my own condition, with its up and downs, for a number of years.
In January 2020, a friend and I wrote and published some articles on this new virus. I ordered Dettol soap online to be delivered to my grown up children. I bought new pyjamas, packed a hospital bag and bought a pulse oximeter. I was controlling the fear of the shadow of this disease.
In February, I made the decision to minimise any external contact and then started shielding, as I was clinically vulnerable. Working as a lecturer, I was able to work from home. Throughout the spring and summer months, I regularly kept fit and ensured that I was doing all the things that could support my resilience.
As a family we navigated lockdown and shielding, as well as celebrating birthdays, a very small wedding, and the birth of grandchildren. It was a time of challenge and celebration. In August, I did my Christmas shopping to ensure I was not in the shops during the Christmas rush. All the way through 2020 I have been writing for the public and nursing press on different aspects of COVID-19 and living through a pandemic. I have been supporting my own specialist nurses navigate the challenges of working in the NHS.
Throughout the Christmas period I was tired and had awful sinusitis. These symptoms were not new to me. Then, on the 28th December, I developed a high temperature overnight, my cervical glands were enlarged, and I had an unusual rash across my trunk. My peak flow dropped by 100, I felt tight, chesty and wheezy. I was already taking all my prescribed medication. I knew I had COVID.
You spend time thinking, how did I catch this and how was it transmitted? I can honestly say we have been very strict at minimising risk – we don't know how we got it but have some ideas. We are not dwelling on it.
The pattern of this disease differs from person to person. My husband has had fevers, has an awful dry cough and is very fatigued. He has been very breathless at times. My asthma has been triggered, I had an urticarial rash, sinusitis, ear ache, ringing in my ears and fatigue. I think the problem is you know the main symptoms – you hope it is not COVID but the pattern recognition is unclear. How will it progress? The one symptom that is not on the websites or is not mentioned, is the sense of anxiety and fear of where will this illness will lead? I have lived under its cloud for many months. I thought I was prepared.
But I was not prepared for these last few weeks. I have had pneumonia on a number of occasions, but I was not prepared for how awful I would feel. I have never felt as fatigued as this. Even as a hospital inpatient I have worn my own clothes during the day, as I believed that pyjamas are for night time. The pyjamas that I bought in January have seen so much daylight.
I have also discovered new things about this disease. I marvel at how my body is fighting for me to overcome this disease. The urticarial rash went after 5 days but then the sinusitis came back and exploded in my head. I have tried to work out if new symptoms are due to COVID, side effects of medication or something else. I have used everything in my armoury, from prescribed medication, over the counter remedies and high strength multivitamins. As a family we have been very proactive about this since the start of the pandemic.
I also had a fear of the 2-week mark but we are moving through that period now. I am tired but sustaining my oxygen levels.
I am coping with the breathlessness. It is harder watching my husband navigate how he is feeling – who wants to see those we love battle illness? And there is the fear of other family members in our bubble developing COVID-19. Most of all I have come to appreciate that fear and anxiety should also be included in that list of symptoms. The uncertainty of it all can be challenging. The helpful conversation with the contact tracer and the fact that my GP wants to speak to me again despite the fact they are so busy helps. Their reassurance means such a lot and I know that if I need more help I can ask.
Faith, hope, resilience has all helped at this time. And in the fridge are pots of soup and lots of pies from loving friends and neighbours who are offering us a range of support. The value of psychosocial support can never be underestimated.